This Blog is for YOU...

If you are/were Gender Dysphoric - so as to know some from me and share some with me, and reaffirm that none of us is alone... To acknowledge that we have a treasure of insurmountable Courage, Strength and Hope in us. I have a feeling that we were given slightly higher quantities of those special gifts :-) [If you have a question to ask me, you could write it as a Comment to one of the posts, and either I would reply to it as a Comment itself, or probably, respond in one of the future posts on this blog]

If you have never been Gender Dysphoric - so as to understand what it means to have a Gender Identity Disorder. Of course, it primarily depends on whether you want to or not. If you don't, please do make a quiet exit and try not to be a nuisance.

If you're confused - so as to realize that everybody goes through a stage of confusion - the period could be short, or sometimes, very long. What is important is to acknowledge that being unsure until you're sure is as normal and as alright as night before day.

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If you're a human being - so as to find out for yourself whether you want to try to make the world a better place to live in, for every fellow human being, irrespective of their health, wealth, colour, race, gender, religion and any and every other line of division you can think of.

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And finally, this blog is for ME - so as to be able to make some difference somewhere by sharing my experiences, and along the way, slowly grow out of those anxieties and insecurities that have inhabited my life for over 2 decades. It is time to escort them to the door now!

Come, Join me on this journey!

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Questions from a Student of Gender Studies and My Answers


1) When did you come out to your family? Did they have any idea of what was going on with you before you came out?

I came out to my brother when I was maybe 11-12 years old. I told my parents about my condition (although I didn’t have any name for it then) at about 14, when I was in my 9th (or 8th) standard, I think. If they ever had a clue about it beforehand, they never let it be known. But I’m really glad that I was open and honest to them that early in my life. Not only did I feel relieved, but also, it was great that they got almost 12 years to prepare themselves for what was coming (although I must say that they were understanding and sensitive all along). I should say that over all those years, my parents and I lived through my condition together and we all came out successful at the end of it all! :-)


2) I've heard from transmen/transwomen that transitioning period has been the toughest period in their lives. How did you manage to speed past it?

Honestly, it never looked like I sped past it. It seemed excruciatingly long, but now that I look back, I realize that however long it might seem to me, I’ve been blessed to have had a shorter transition period than what is considered the average. I can’t put a clear reason to it, except perhaps a feeling of wellness that my family created around me, in the past one year when I was staying with them. That helps a lot, psychologically, and one’s body tends to reflect one’s state of mind. Makes sense? :-)


3) Did you have any issues with your day-to-day life esp. in terms of housing, job hunting, and dealing with people in common places etc?

The transitioning period was certainly very tough. One of the toughest, I’d say. Not THE toughest, may be. I think what makes it so tough is an irony. The fact is that people are noticing the little little changes in us and are reacting the way one expects the entity called ‘people’ to react generally, but we ourselves, on the other hand, never feel that the change is good enough. Desperation gets almost each one of us. It did get me too, and only my family can tell you how badly. I was actually so desperate that I went for my surgery within just 9 months of having started the hormones (not a great plan!) Even though we start transition with the knowledge that it is almost a 3-year project, or at least 2, we still count in days. It’s of course understandable, because the reactions from left, right and centre make us feel like a bigger freak than we might have ever felt. And it becomes the worst when one is staying all alone, so even after an emotionally strenuous day outside, when one comes home, there is only that one person in the mirror to talk to, and that person isn’t exactly in the physical and mental shape that you’d like them to be.

Job hunt was actually never an issue for me. I was always very comfortable at the place where I was working. It’s very important to be honest and open to one’s immediate circle. That matters the most. I had shared with my colleagues and my boss about what I was intending to do even before I started it. So, there was a supportive ambience and a lot of comfort – very important in that period. Also, being in the media field, I think people have a slightly wider perspective on the world than the general world, otherwise, or at least, they’re inclined towards showing that they do. In either case, what matters is that one feels comfortable, and that’s priceless! [There was a period of about 8-9 months around my surgery – before + after, when I was not working, but that was out of choice]

Coming to my residential setup, the place where I was putting up during my pre-surgery transition was very comfortable and peaceful. Finding it was not a problem, thanks to a dear friend who owned it. But there were some 20-odd boys (teenagers and full-grown adults; even a couple of kids) who would gang up around the entrance and do all kinds of histrionics when I left for work and came back home. A couple of times, they did some very scary stunts as well, but let’s let that be. If I were who I am today, I’d have certainly spoken it out with them, but who I was then was a bundle of nerves, sometimes reveling in exhilaration, but sometimes scared to death. With time, I just learnt to turn deaf in those couple of minutes when I was passing the entrance of the building each day.

Dealing with people in public places was alright. Not a cakewalk, but alright. It was never a comfortable feeling, but then I had had people staring, laughing and passing comments at me even pre-transition… For decades, actually. Yes, there was an added fear of lonely late night traveling, but thankfully, nothing horrible ever happened.


4) Post-transition, has there been a marked change/difference you see in the society who only know you as a woman? (A lot of transwomen validate the existing gender discrimination against women)

Oh, the change around me is incredible! It’s like one extreme to the other. Literally. So much so, that nowadays, sometimes, I find lesbian women hitting on me (which is quite flattering, really) :-). So yes, I get a lot of respect, attention, sometimes privileges on account of being a girl! Thankfully, I haven’t had to deal with any significant gender discrimination yet, and I somehow know that I won’t in future, as well. Yes, eve-teasing happens sometimes, but that’s a lot more in and around my tiny little hometown. Bombay is very comfortable even at midnight. Life is good! :-)


5) Any light-hearted/funny incidents that you experienced, that made you smirk/laugh? :)

Apart from the ones I have mentioned in the post below, something interesting happened recently. I won’t call it funny, but something that did make me laugh, out of joy.

I met this wonderful lady in a social group. We interacted quite a bit over a period of a few days, and on the last day, she told me that she had been evaluating me for the place of her daughter-in-law, and that she would be delighted if I met her son and we could like each other. I felt like somebody had put my heart on a soft warm pillow and caressed it with a lot of love. I hugged her and realized then that even though I was not going to consider this proposition, I owed her the truth. And then, I told her…

She was silent for a couple of minutes and then said, “Well, that doesn’t change what I said.” I was not surprised because somehow, I knew that she would say that, but I also WAS surprised, because under ordinary circumstances, nobody would expect her to say that. So, the part of me which is the society was amazed, but the part of me which is me simply laughed, hugged her again, and said, “Thank you!” :-)

45 comments:

  1. Hey Gazal!

    I loved that incident in the end! That was so sweet of both of u!
    And i'm happy that such incidents keep happening to you and bring so much pleasure along with them!
    Hope you always keep smiling!
    Take care

    love
    Nachi

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  2. Hey Nachi!

    It was sweet, no? It was also truly heartwarming and joyous! :-)

    Ever since Landmark, I've been so joyful and so much at peace... it's incredible ! And I promise to fulfill your 'hope' that I always keep smiling! :-)

    You take care too dear!

    love
    Gazal

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  3. gazal i watch your show on ndtv where you says that you have all dream that a girl has than why you reject the chance of become the daughter in law of that lady.or can your family already find any other life partner for you.
    wish in advance for happy married life!

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  4. Anonymous - Sometimes, dreams keep changing. I may or may not choose to get married eventually - we'll see about that - but I certainly do not see myself getting into an Arranged Marriage thing. It's a concept that is extremely strange and alien to me.

    Thanks for your warm wishes! May the best be yours! Take care.

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  5. What is the diffrnce between hijra n transexual women ?

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  6. Hi Gazal,

    Learnt about you only today through a series of youtube links. And I cannot think of anybody who is so clear in her thoughts, and even better articulates them so very well. I ofcourse compliment your beautiful looks, well you are more than beautiful, stunning and along with the rest of your personality, it makes you an absolutely delightful lady (and i say it in a very nice sense) and that wonderful voice of yours, the song you sang on salaam zindagi came out so well.
    Congratulations on having 'completed' yourself, am sure there is more to come, but this is a huge milestone and wow!
    I am probably a "transperson" myself, i like to crossdress sometimes and sometimes wish i were born in a female body. Feelings aren't very strong so far, lets see how things go.
    take care and god bless...
    P.S: love your smile :)

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  7. hi gazal you said that Sometimes, dreams keep changing.
    Can you analize why your dreams chane at this stage of your life.
    can still you feel like a girl or not?
    can your willingness to live become as girl brake ?
    can you do not have any feeling of a girl or not?


    I HOPE YOU RECOVER from THIS STAGE very soon.
    and take the decision to become complete woman(have husband and children)from girl very soon.

    keep spirit of woman.

    Keep my best wishes for happy married life.

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  8. Gazal one more thing can you share with me why your dreams change.
    Gazal i ask this because I am not sleep at last night,all night and till this time i think again and again what is the reason of changing your dreams,while you fight hinself and the society and also from nature and suffer more than 20 year to to fullfil your dreams to become the complete woman,when times come to become complete woman than your dreams change,STRANGE.

    if you do not become complete woman, who give the hope for other.
    you are a benchmark for oters.Please go forward and create the milestone for other.

    what will dream you have at this stage of life.

    strange!why I am think about you.why I am not sleep at night and think about you.why I am not control himself to think about you and write at this time(12:45 midnight) your blog.I could not understand.

    but i wrote and Keep my best wishes for happy married life.

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  9. Anonymous2 – Well, the distinctions are blurry at most times. Both tend to incline towards femininity, but from what I have seen, observed and understood, a large part of the hijra community identify themselves with the THIRD gender. They do not believe in the duality of gender, or in other words, they believe that Male and Female are not the only two genders in nature. They belong to the Third gender which is the ‘hijra’. Transsexual women, on the other hand, have an urge to completely align themselves with the Female gender.

    However, like I said, the distinctions tend to be fuzzy. Some percentage of the ‘hijra’ community may not identify with the third gender, and instead, may like to be looked upon as Female, but due to various socio-economic reasons, they might have become a part of the community and have continued to live as a ‘hijra’.

    I must state here that I am not an expert to comment on these definitions and societal distinctions. I have only expressed MY understanding of it, which may be completely wrong (in the context of ‘hijras’) in itself. So, please find other means to check and cross-check my as well as other opinions that you might come across. This opinion, by no means, is the perfect answer to your question. This is an extremely wide topic of discussion in itself and I might have just scratched the surface.


    Natasha – Hi! Thank you so much for your generosity in complimenting me! And thank you very much for your best wishes! I hope you find your confusions and doubts resolved very soon, and may you live a happy and fulfilling life always! Take care… All the best!


    Anonymous1 – Oh dear! I didn’t know that one statement would upset you so much. I’m sorry that I did not make myself clear.

    See, I have absolutely no regrets about my being a woman, and never ever will. In fact, everyday of my life now is a blessing! When I said ‘dreams change’, I only meant that being with someone as a girlfriend or a wife or a partner is not a priority in my life anymore. It used to be earlier, but now, I realize that I, as a woman, want to be and can be and am much more than just a lover.

    Don’t get me wrong. Like every human being, I’d love to have a companion who I can relate to and even spend my life with if it works out that well, but at the same time, that is not the primary aim of my existence. Also, like I said, Arranged Marriage wouldn’t work for me, which is why I refused that lady’s proposal. If ever the right person comes along, I will give a long-term relationship a serious thought, but right now, my concern is my career, my family, my friends and so much more that I want to do in this beautiful world of ours.

    I hope I have helped abate your worries. Please take care of yourself. May the best be yours!

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  10. Gazal now I feel relax after reading you.
    Gazal I am so happy to know that your dreams not change that I think.
    now i read your whole blog to knowing more about you.I am also find your article publish in WEEK and read it two times.
    you suffer lots in your life to reach finaly your destiny.
    I wish you enjoy more in your life.

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  11. Anonymous 1 - :) Great! Now, please stay relaxed and take care of yourself... Also, thank you so very much for all your best wishes! Love, Gazal

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  12. Gazal after become woman can you notice any harmfull effect on your body or mind(thought),any reaction of heavy drug.can you take harmones even these day.
    Keep Happines!

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  13. hi ghazal...
    i saw u first time on salaam zindagi and was completeley mesmerized by your charm..your strength and self confidence were the highlights of the show..applause for being who you are in front of everybody..
    now about me i am ftm transgender who stay in mumbai..
    some points mentioned in your blog like being over critical is very true..becoz i am the one who sometimes makes myself feel miserable and out of the crowd..i m too trapped in the act of being over nice to the extent to which i am ready to do anything..so as not to be left alone by people in my life..
    every time i make a start for transition and it stops in between due to some family or personal problems..now i feel so depressed and feel that will i ever have the privilege to live as what i am from inside..
    I AM NOT A GIRL WHO HAS SOME MENTAL DISORDER
    INSTEAD
    I AM A BOY WHO HAS A PHYSICAL DISORDER..

    Dennis

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  14. Anonymous 1 – No, I do not notice any harmful effects on my mind or body. The only side-effects are – happiness and confidence!

    Yes, I still do take hormones, and will, for decades to come. However, 3 years ago, when I had started with the hormones, I used to feel a bit lethargic and nauseous in the beginning, but that was only for about a couple of months.

    Take care. All the best!

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  15. Hi Dennis! Thanks a lot for the ‘applause’! :)

    I wholly and completely relate to what you’re dealing with. I hope it helps to know that I have been in exactly the same darkness as you’re facing today, but if going by my experience means anything, the darkness does give way to light, sooner if you stay committed to find the light.

    Dennis, it is only when you wake up each morning and promise to yourself that come what may, you will choose happiness this day, it is only when you promise to yourself that whatever the circumstances, you will not let them disempower you, it is only then that you will do justice to your courage. I really want you to acknowledge yourself each moment for the strength and courage you have. It is no mean feat! No ordinary man can have your strength, so the least you can do for yourself is feel proud that you are YOU, despite the circumstances you were born into!

    Solving a problem is one thing. We all know what the solution is, and I’m confident that soon, you will create that solution for yourself. It is another thing, however, to deal with that problem on a day-to-day basis. Have you ever thought – why we give so much power to a generic faceless WORLD which doesn’t even matter to us, to affect us so much? It’s alright to be nice to people but not beyond the limit of one’s own self-respect. And I also know that despite being extra-nice towards people to be able to gain their acceptance, you would still feel lonely deep down inside. Then, where and what is the point, Dennis? [I’m sure you can see that I say all this from personal experience!]

    You and I and all the others who feel lonely will always feel lonely until we distinguish ‘feeling lonely’ from ‘being alone’. However much you might disagree, it is a fact that we can choose what we feel. ‘Alone’ is just a state of being, a simple fact, but ‘lonely’ is a negative emotion WE attach to it. Try this! Try to look at it this way that “I’m not lonely, I have MYSELF, I might be ALONE today, but every person IS, at the end of the day. And what’s so wrong with being alone? My sorrow comes from just my FEELING lonely but do I really have to feel that way?” You know when we get out of this extra-nice mode and say, be and behave just the way we want to, spontaneously, it is only then that we can really bond with people, because it is only true authenticity that brings people close, otherwise, they’re all sugary-superficial relations. Know what I mean?

    Coming to transition, I don’t know what stops you, but whatever it is, don’t think of it too much. Just think of the transition, and believe and know that you ARE a man, transition or no transition. Give all your thought energies to transition, and not to what is stopping you. I promise that you will start to feel more and more confident about it, and then, will also find the paths opening for you. ‘Depression’ is not a productive state of living, Dennis. I know it is easier said than done, but still, I will say it – whenever you feel yourself getting pulled down into depression, tell yourself that you’re pushing your transition even farther by being depressed, since it is a negative state of being, so how will something positive enter your life? Make conscious efforts to stay positive. Do things you really like to do – even small things, like going for a walk, or dancing, any and every thing you REALLY like to do (and not for pleasing others, and as long as it is not anti-social ;) ). A healthy state of mind will open more and more doors for happiness! Take my word!

    So, basically, all said and done, your future is in YOUR hands! Create it in your mind first and then, stay committed to those visions. Don’t let today’s reality pull them down. Soon, you will discover a new power, a happier state of mind which will give way to a much happier reality for tomorrow. Take good care of yourself, Dennis! May the Best be Yours... Hugs!

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  16. Thanks a ton Ghazal for the prompt reply.
    I was really encouraging and i do agree to you on so many points.
    i know depression is unhealthy state of mind.but then when all your efforts starts being unfruitful and nothing comes to your aid it is justified.The whole day i remain consumed as to what is at the end of this dark tunnel..
    I know i am a man transition or no transition..but then my self confidence is so shattered and i do feel i m not the same person as i was 5 years back..daring,confident..

    I know what i need in life but do not know how to reach there.I also sometimes do get demotivated when i read all the failures of ftm transition.I haven't been lucky even after staying for four years in Mumbai to meet a good therapist/psychiatrist who is officially and legally can give me the letter stating GID.
    All whom i met claimed so much but always referred me to someone and then that someone referred me to someone making me not to believe in them...sometimes i wonder i stay in mumbai..

    U r lucky enough that you have supporting parents and you found a good therapist/psychiatrist in mumbai...

    Only one good thing has happened so far that finally after so many years of denial my dad has agreed to support me(though i don't know it is out of his wish or my mom's pressure).My mom has always been supportive but being a traditional Indian woman she wont do anything without his husband's permission,so she coaxed her..but all this took 6 years of my life..

    I know i have to live this life and have to fight and even know where i have to reach despite of so many obstacles but how to reach there without any good guidance still is a major issue..

    U too take good care and keep motivating people like me who need ur help..

    Dennis

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  17. Gazal! thanks for givimg answer of my questions.

    I read somewhere on net that breast implant can be some time cause breast cancer.it is True or False ?
    Thanks once again.

    Take care.Keep happiness!

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  18. hi gazal,
    sorry for misspelling your name in my last comment..
    U have provide a lot of detail about Dr.Chettawut in bangkok..Could u please help me by providing a little detail about the psychiatrists in mumbai who gave u the letter mentioning GID..as i had mentioned in the comment i have failed to find an authentic one...

    thanks..
    Dennis

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  19. hi gazal,i found ur blog extremely insightful and honest ,not to mention wd a great sense of humor.i myself am undergoing transition ad would like to kno abt post op hormones dosage u need to take.also wht is ur work profile and how do u deal wd some inevitable and subtle prejudice.

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  20. Dennis – I completely understand that your depression is JUSTIFIED, but what I want you to understand is only this – If you keep waiting for circumstances to change and THEN, you will get self-confidence, then you will never get it. But if you ARE self-confident today, then you won’t be stopped by the circumstances ever.

    It’s very tough… I know that. So what? You want to feel helpless about it, go on. That’s what you’ve been doing anyway, right? Does it help? What your circumstances are, are what your circumstances are. What will you get by brooding over them? I repeat Dennis. There is only one person in the world who is responsible for your happiness, and who can make a difference in your life. And that person is YOU! Obstacles and problems are there in everyone’s life, but the true winners are those, who look at those problems, not as problems, but as challenges, who turn their helplessness into a determination to win! So, my only question is – Are you a winner or are you not?

    Yes, I was lucky with my parents, but if you read the post, they got 12 years to become ready. Do you think it was very easy for them? Trust me, it is the hardest for parents to see their child undergoing something like a gender change. If your parents are trying to understand you, please support them and acknowledge them from your very heart, for being such loving parents. If you keep thinking I lost 6 years and other such depressing thoughts, you will still not get those 6 years back and the past will still not change. But do you want to live in the past and keep cribbing about it, or do you want to look ahead and thank your parents for who they’re being today?

    You KNOW the answers to all these questions, but you’re choosing ‘depression’ over every available option of positive thought. It is a fact that nobody can be helped until and unless they WANT to be helped.

    About your question about psychiatrist, well, I strongly recommend Dr. Y.A Matcheswalla (Maseena Hospital at Byculla). I was very impressed with him and his team’s sensitivity towards my problem, and they were also very efficient in their work.

    All the best Dennis! Take care...


    Anonymous 1 – I’m sorry I won’t be able to say anything about breast implants leading to breast cancer. Firstly, I’m not an expert on the area, and secondly, I haven’t even read anything about it, as of now.

    Take care... All the best!


    Priyanka – I’m glad that you like my blog. Thanks for sharing that with me!

    I’m on anti-androgens and estrogen. I was told that it is advisable to take anti-androgens for 3 years, irrespective of when you have your surgery, so I’ll be taking that for another year and then stop. However, this said, please go by only what your endocrinologist suggests, because different bodies could be different, and the best we can do, is to trust the ones who’ve spent years understanding human bodies, right?

    I work as a freelance scriptwriter, so it is not a regular office job. Earlier, I used to be very conscious about people’s opinions and judgment et al, but as one goes further and further into the transition, one realizes just how unnecessary and pointless that is. If somebody is prejudiced, it is their problem. I, as an individual, know who I am and what my capabilities are, so I don’t need to suppress myself on anybody else’s account. And honestly, once the initial stage is over in any relationship, people relate to each other as individuals and their capabilities. Gender, sexuality and all that takes a back seat. The bottomline is – If we choose to SEE prejudice, we’ll see it all the time. If we choose to see acceptance, we’ll see THAT all the time! :) Human mind is magical that way. Try and see the good things always, and be thankful for them! You’ll have much more to be thankful for!

    Take care. May the Best be yours...

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  21. Thanks Gazal for sharing the valuable info about the doctor...I owe you this one...

    Also thanks for patiently listening to me..

    Dennis

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  22. Thanks a lot Gazal for ur reply.I quite see that & understand abt the power of positivity.I was v subtly discriminated after disclosing at my wrk place,though no doubt good ppl exist too.wht i mean to say is my positivity cn definitely create a happy and open aura but as life is there will always b ppl who stand on other side of fence & unwilling to c things diffrntly for v reasons.irony is sometimes they affect our life in indispensable ways.wt u think.best wishes

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  24. hi gazal..
    was reading all the comments (and your answers)various people have posted under the label change-my transition plan at 2am...I have started feeling dizzy...Oh my God what all people are facing including me(not to forget)..How do u patiently manage to deal with all of them [including me again :)]..Ur patience and ability to deal with people is commendable..U make sure each comment is addressed back...

    Ahh...Have so much to share with you...let me try to put down one by one[though i am not half good and skilled as you are in writing:)]
    I have checked out dr. chettawut website but i think they only are specialized in mtf surgeries..
    The case in ftm surgeries is not that simple and easy...neither it is done successfully anywhere in Asia...and to complex the situation there are multiple surgeries which makes very difficult to stay at a foreign land for such a prolonged time..
    US (San Francisco)has the best and successful surgeries..but Ftm surgeries are not only the most complicated but also not wholly successful..
    Neither the end result as in case of top surgery is that satisfactory nor in the case of bottom surgery..
    i happened to interact with some transmen on youtube and they told me that majority of transmen in the world only opt for chest surgery..and don't go for Bottom surgery as it is still in its childhood stage and not successful..various docs have various methods but none has been quite authentic..
    So that makes me really eager as to what will happen after the chest surgery and hysterectomy..Becoz that leaves the me in middle of the transition.Physically neither complete male nor female..
    The two different techniques of bottom surgery is one which resembles normal genitalia but then gives u loads of scarring at ur forearm and also does not functions normally...no satisfactory sex experience..
    the other one doesn't resembles at all and is just for passing to the loo..so nothing as for satisfactory sex experience and functionality..and no resemblance..

    Its like choosing between eating only food or drinking only water...I am not able to decide what to do???
    I wonder what my future holds???

    I Wish God could have swapped our bodies :(

    Gud nite
    God Bless You..

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  25. dear gazal i read your Q&A in answer of Question3 you says that a bunch of 20-odd boys comment on you.parents of these boys not stop him.its truth that society goes in wrong direction.
    so now where you live,remain that plase or chane other location.how you manage in so big city wher find a home is so deficult.how you manage money to survive else you work as free lanser or you work any other job.
    i wish you got a secure home to live,live a lonely woman ia so difficult and dengerious especialy a beautiful young lady.
    i also face these problem.
    take care...

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  26. Priyanka – I agree Priyanka. Not everybody can understand us, but then it is in our hands to decide how much we want to get affected by their attitude. It is normal to feel upset sometimes and it’s alright to feel that, only we must not let it become a cause of constant depression because it’s not worth it, right?

    And let’s look at it from another perspective. Anybody who does something unusual or takes a unique stand on something is always met with criticism to start with, but then, it is only such people who bring about revolutions and make a difference to the world, isn’t it?


    Dennis – You’re welcome about the doctor’s info! And thanks for appreciating my effort in responding to all the comments on my blog. It takes a lot of time, yes, but then I also do it for my own satisfaction, for the feeling that somewhere, I’m making a difference in my own little way.

    I’ve heard about the issues entailed in FTM transition, and like you rightly say, the technology is in the nascent stage of development right now. I can understand how frustrating it must be, but then, at the same time, look at the options that ARE available right now Dennis. If you undergo the top surgery and start with hormones, then, in 2-3 years time, you’ll be in a position to at least live a man’s life socially, won’t you? You would be recognized, acknowledged and related to, as your true gender. Isn’t that fabulous? Sexual performance is not the ONLY reason why you want to be a Male, right? If I’m not wrong, the most important is the social identity.

    In a few years time, the bottom surgery techniques might improve and then, you can go for it, but why stop yourself from exploiting all the other options that are available today? As far as love goes, there are FTMs who find love even before transition. Love, as you might know, can be independent of sex, so please shut out the thoughts which say that you can find true love only when you have a successfully efficient penis! You’re just fooling yourself and delaying that true love to come into your life by nurturing such thoughts. Please try and make way for positive thoughts and please try and look at the good things in life. I promise you there are many, and when you start to notice them, you’ll find more and more of them… Take it from someone who has practiced it herself!

    Take care... May God bless you too!


    Reema – A lot of those boys were full-grown adults and I don’t know whether any of their parents had any say in their behaviour or not, and really, it is beyond any of my concerns now. But I appreciate your feeling sorry for me.

    I don’t live there, any more. I live in a new comfortable place now and there are no issues whatsoever, here. Thanks a lot, once again, for your concern and best wishes! All the best to you too... Take care.

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  27. Do you tell about your transsexuality to a casual sex partner too?

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  28. Anonymous 3 - There is a small trick question hidden in your question and I'm going to avoid answering this question in the first person ;).

    See, you don't owe a casual sex partner anything besides casual sex, so you're not obliged to give him a peep into your past. Just go with the flow. Share if you feel like it, don't if it feels unnecessary. There is no right or wrong choice in this matter.

    Take care... Have fun! :)

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  29. thanx for ur views.u put it right how much we allow others to impact us.u know i live wth a large family and thereal problem comes wen some1 we love nevrreally gets comfortable wth us after knowing.i mean loveand acceptance is there but u can see thru their loss and sadness while accepting u.not that they r wrong it just is tricky wth some.anyways,how u hold out in mumbai alone after srs.i mn accomdation,job ,money etc.we cn b positive but is life really positive for u in all ways in a new city.my regards

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  30. 'See, you don't owe a casual sex partner anything besides casual sex, so you're not obliged to give HIM a peep into your past.'

    Can be a 'HER' too ;) :P

    And well, I was not trying to hide any 'small trick question' in my question (I know what you might have thought!;)But well, everyone does it today :P :P)

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  31. hey gazal...
    i m very happy...u know why becoz i m going to meet Dr.matcheswalla in some days.
    A coincidence happened today.The doctor(surgeon) whom i was in touch for a long time also gave me a reference letter for the same doc that is Dr matcheswalla.
    Now i am double sure of the credibility.
    i will share with u the whole experience after i meet him.I hope u don't mind.I have people who can listen to me but then I don't find anyone genuinely happy for me and on top of that my expectations from them make me feel more about the gap.
    Thanx again.

    May GOD Bless you!!

    Dennis

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  32. I usually read your blog,gazal.I am not much interested in all that transsexuality and other related stuff.What amazes me is your determination in risking all the societal norms to live your life according to your own terms.It makes us believe that life is what we make for ourselves.....In that sense, you inspire me to chase my dreams....

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  33. Hi Gazal, how are you hope you are fine
    I have been in a confusion for almost an year now
    my confusion is i sometimes feel like a girl and sometimes like a guy. I love being in girly attires like nail paints and dresses but only in my dream. I can't talk to this to anyone because i don't have a dad and my mother is an handicap so i live with my grandparents which are very orthodox but love me a lot.

    Hope you will help me

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  34. Hi Gazal!I am decided for breast transplant before going for operation can you share your experiance how you grow your breast.what size bra fit you.your experiance really help me.
    Thanks... bp Happy...

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  35. Priyanka – I know and understand what you mean, but I’d still say – Time is the eternal healer. We can never gauge how much change time can bring about – discreetly, silently, but surely. So, do give yourself and your family members, time. It’ll all be just fine!

    As for my life in Bombay, well, there are always ups and downs, but what is life without ups and downs? Nothing, really, bothers me too deeply, because I have been through the worst. Makes sense? :)

    Take care Priyanka. All the best!


    Anonymous 3 – Sure, it can be a ‘HER’ too! My mistake :)

    And please don’t think I implied that you were consciously hiding the trick question in your query. That is not so, but you see, much as I have exposed myself and my experiences on this blog, somewhere, I have to draw a line. Whether I indulge in casual sex or I don’t, I wouldn’t like to share that on World Wide Web. Hence, the impersonal reply. Take care. All the best!


    Dennis – I’m happy to hear you sound so happy! :) Dr. Matcheswalla, no doubt, is a wonderful doctor! I hope your meeting with him will go just the way you want it to!

    And of course you can share your experience with me here. I’d love to know about it. At the same time, though, do not underrate people in your life who are there to listen to you. It might be only in your mind that they don’t understand you or are not happy for you. They may be uncomfortable, yes, and that’s natural (let’s not hold it against them), but that must not stop you from sharing with them if you know for sure that they do care for you. It’s only when you keep sharing your thoughts, feelings and experiences with them that you would give them a chance to grow to being comfortable with you and express the happiness which they probably feel even now but don’t know how to express.

    Okay? Now, go and make the most of this appointment! Life is calling, Dennis! Have fun! :)


    Anonymous 4 – Thank you so very much for sharing that! Really, it means a lot to me when non-transpeople also feel touched and inspired by my sharing. Also, I have never looked at my life as a statement or anything. I just wanted to be happy and did what I just had to, but it feels wonderful to know that along the way, I have made a difference to the world, in my own small way. Thanks a lot, once again, for reminding me about that! :) All the best!


    Anonymous 5 – You have been in confusion for a year, you say. How old are you?

    If your desires and fancies are limited to dressing up as a girl, then probably, you’re a transvestite and do not associate with the Female gender and way of being. In that case, you will not need to go all the way to change your sex. However, ideally, you should consult a psychiatrist and undergo an evaluation of your mental gender. Until you get that done, nothing, really, can be said or done about the situation.

    But I do want you to know that whatever you feel is perfectly alright. There is nothing wrong or bad about it. So, relax. Whatever the problem, a solution will be there. Just relax, take your time and try to know what it is that you really want in life. How do you want to be identified for the rest of your life? As you introspect on these questions, you might find the answer slowly emerging from the future. All the best! Take care.


    Anonymous 6 – Like I have said previously, I haven’t undergone a breast implant. I recommend 3 years of hormone therapy (which includes at least 1 year post-surgery) before one considers the implants. But if you have decided to go ahead with it, my best wishes are with you! Take care. All the best!

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  36. if it is possible to grow the breast with 3 years of hormone therapy.what size and cup size will be you got after that hormone therapyand now this time.i know this is very private question to ask a women but women tell this when buy a bra from shope.
    if you thougt i am cross the limit please do not give the reply and also not forgive me.
    i ask you these because my major decision is depeded on your reply of how you got this and face probelm.
    i see only one hope which are you.
    sorry!if i am heart you by any word.
    thanks...

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  37. Anonymous 6 - The point is that whatever cup size etc I might have got, will have nothing to do with what you get. As in the case of genetic women as well, there are breasts of all shapes and sizes. There is no fixed rule that 3 years of hormone therapy would give you this size. It varies from woman to woman. What I meant was that after 3 years of hormone therapy, one kind of reaches the size that one can expect from hormone therapy. That size may or may not be good enough for you. For a lot of women, it is. But if it is not, they go ahead with implants.

    But a lot of women do go ahead with implants along with SRS, so the choice is completely yours. There's no right or wrong here. I'm only sharing my point of view. That doesn't HAVE to mean that this is the only right way. All the best! Take care.

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  38. hey please accept my friend request na in your facebook i am sneha

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  39. heloo gazal kase hon app always keep smile and behappy and truth ful as u r from babal

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  40. Sneha - I'm sorry, but like I've said before, I do not add friends on networking sites unless I know them personally. I'm always available here for any queries you might have.

    Babal - Thanks! Wish you lots of happiness too! Take care.

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  41. Hi Gazal,

    This is Rishi ( Sampoorna Member)

    I had been following your BLOG for long but never read these comments.. so many questions and ur patient and very helpful replies to all.

    Finaly Got the chance and time to read them all today..n couldnt resist myself to write a comment so here I go..

    I would like to suggest you something.. Y dont you write a book on your life and life of other people like us.. wich can help the society especialy Indian society to understand US. And can reduce their misconceptions about US. Also experinces you had with your family and friends can help families of TGs in dealing this issue. I bet your book will reach to many people n help many people.

    And another suggestion actuly no need of it you are doing kind of counselling here.. I really appreciate your efforts.

    Thanks alot!!

    I also had lot of confusions like Dennis but now I feel I should go for the SRS..coz if I wait for the best results I wil never get them..coz medical inventions will go on forever.. Its like I will by the latest Mobile in the shop..the moment I actuly go to buy one there would be another costly nice looking mobile.. I know I cant compare LIFE with Mobile..but JEENA HAI JEENA HAI karte rahenge toh Zindagi bina Jiye hi Guzar Jayegi.. TIME stops for none..

    Gotta go ahead now,..

    I may not be able to write my journey the way you did.. but I will try to make my notes of the journey.. may be when you will write a book you may need it.. we need a FTM story as well..wat say..?


    Lots Of Love,
    Rishi.

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  42. Hey Rishi,

    Very rightly said! Don't let time slip out of your hands. Live life NOW, and not in the future. :)

    The book idea is a good one, and I had actually thought about writing one, a couple of years ago. But then, I shelved it. Even right now, I think I should wait for another couple of years before I write it. By then, my diary of experiences would be much thicker and richer and juicier. ;)

    And yes, please do keep those notes. I'm sure they'll be of much use later!

    Take care dear. And all the verry best for the road ahead! Make it fun! :)


    Love,
    Gazal

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  43. Hi Gazal

    I watched your videos on different programs in last 2-3 years and you seem to look different in them. I mean your face was changing very fast. Am I the only one who feel this way?

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  44. Anonymous7 - Really? Some people tell me that my face hasn't changed much, while others tell me that it has changed immensely. Don't know who to believe. All I can hope is that if it has changed, it should be for the better. :)

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  45. Hello I want to know how much it costs for u for the surgery. What age u had undergone the surgery. If a person is alone would it be possible to undergo surgery as there is no one to take care after the surgery is the surgery life threatening

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Civility check done? :-)