This Blog is for YOU...

If you are/were Gender Dysphoric - so as to know some from me and share some with me, and reaffirm that none of us is alone... To acknowledge that we have a treasure of insurmountable Courage, Strength and Hope in us. I have a feeling that we were given slightly higher quantities of those special gifts :-) [If you have a question to ask me, you could write it as a Comment to one of the posts, and either I would reply to it as a Comment itself, or probably, respond in one of the future posts on this blog]

If you have never been Gender Dysphoric - so as to understand what it means to have a Gender Identity Disorder. Of course, it primarily depends on whether you want to or not. If you don't, please do make a quiet exit and try not to be a nuisance.

If you're confused - so as to realize that everybody goes through a stage of confusion - the period could be short, or sometimes, very long. What is important is to acknowledge that being unsure until you're sure is as normal and as alright as night before day.

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If you're a human being - so as to find out for yourself whether you want to try to make the world a better place to live in, for every fellow human being, irrespective of their health, wealth, colour, race, gender, religion and any and every other line of division you can think of.

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And finally, this blog is for ME - so as to be able to make some difference somewhere by sharing my experiences, and along the way, slowly grow out of those anxieties and insecurities that have inhabited my life for over 2 decades. It is time to escort them to the door now!

Come, Join me on this journey!

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

It's Amusing...

[Note: I wrote this more than a year ago... before I started this blog. Just a few interesting observations :-)]

~ when the guy you shared the hostel room with (for 2 years) – the guy who also happens to be your best friend – finds it necessary to tell you, “You can’t go out wearing THAT! The neck is too damn low!”


~ when the random guy in the bus who, one year ago, would have trod upon you to find his way in the crazy chaos, bows most courteously; and just when you’re wondering if he’s upto ‘something’, you realize that he’s only lifting your bag to place it on the bag carrier.


~ to see that exceptional look of disbelief on the visage of a man who is known to have seen the world, been-there-done-that; and just as you notice him stealing a furtive glance at you, to realize that he hadn’t after all, seen it all… that you’re a new Wonder to him!


~ to get to know that your friend’s girlfriend who had been so fond of you, now gets worked up whenever he talks to her about you.


~ when your mother asks you to not show up in the drawing room, in front of the guests who’re in India looking for a tall beautiful bride for their NRI son… “What if they see you and get interested? How will I explain?”


~ when a girl you’ve been introduced to, just an hour ago, drives you to the restroom desperately and asks you to check for her if ‘it is all fine’, and you’re trying hard to NOT make a mistake in checking.


~ when an old flame tells you that he has checked your latest orkut pictures a zillion times… because well… “you look pretty”! ;-)


~ that the interiors of your house are just as they always were, that the locality hasn’t changed either, yet the new paint outside has brought out a new shade in every other house in the locality.

54 comments:

  1. hehe.I loved this post!

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  2. Anonymous - :) It IS amusing, no?

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  3. Thats lovely.... the same person... the same place ... the same people around but a world of a change... Right ?? Asha Kiran

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  4. Nihilus - :-)

    Asha Kiran - Right right!!! :-)

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  5. everything abt life is amusing anyway......

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  6. Nihilus - Not everything, I would say, but yes, in some cases, taking life a little lightly, can make it a little more worthwhile.

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  7. Hey Gazal! I know this is not the right place for this question... But send me your contact details...

    Gokul.

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  8. Hey Gokul! You leave your email id here, no? I'll write to you then, okay?

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  9. Hi,I saw you post.. I have this question to you gazal.. do you think there is any difference between feminity and womanhood...? what i feel is ,woman hood is what society imparts on you and feminity is what you can enjoy and give to the world.. so you will be at the giving end...If you want to comment.. then,my email id is strangerd7@yahoo.com

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  10. Anonymous2 - I'm afraid I'm not too sure. I do not get too involved with the deep meaning of such terms. One is what one is, and that is all that matters. Take care... All the best!

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  11. Gazal

    Behind all that is amusing.....this is amazing. Love the Hope :-)

    Will be reading more. Keep writing :-)

    Z

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  12. its really amusing my id snehaullal2@yahoo.in please add me

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  13. Z - Really glad you like it! :)

    Anonymous3 - I'm sorry but as a principle, I do not add people I don't know personally. Take care.

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  15. hi, GAZAL Dhaliwal ,how are you ???

    it is incredible ,your look totaly different person from gunraj
    it is nice to see you
    hi , i have see your talk in salam jindagy on NDTV and i have read all documents related with you .
    if don't mind if ask you a very important question which is important for both....
    Q: how can be posible of one single person acept two different role in his/her life ?
    Q: how our mind acept this ????

    ok bye
    pls send your responce ........

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  16. Hi Jitu! I am good, thanks! And thanks for all your compliments!

    Coming to your question, you see, Jitu, the gender a transperson is born with actually becomes just a role, an act for him/her. It is almost like imprisonment wherein they have to serve a term - for decades or for a lifetime. They have to project a certain image of themselves which they don't identify with, at all. But post-transition, they come into an identity that they relate to, and then, it is no more an act, and the mind doesn't have trouble accepting it, because this is what the mind always wanted.

    Yes, one has to adjust into the new role, socially. That might take some time and might also put one in uncomfortable situations at times, but then, all that is a part of the deal that a transperson takes on, when he or she chooses to undergo transition.

    I hope I've been able to answer you satisfactorily. Take care. All the best!

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  17. So many windows opened there :)

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  18. Not just amusing.
    It appreciates, admires, respects and acknowledges who you are for people around you :)

    Really sweet post.

    Keep writing.

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  19. Rahul - Windows, doors, minds - everything opens up! :)

    Nirav - Thanks so much! And yes, I WILL keep writing! Take care. :)

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  20. when the inner self changes, the world around changes. your vignettes portray this in an amusing and humurous tone. the perfect way to get it across. loved the one about your mother requesting you not to come out when guests come.

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  21. Thanks Anand! I agree that the humorous tone works the best! :)

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  22. hye salaam gazal mujhe app se bath karne hain personaly plz mujhe ap ke help cahye

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  23. app ka program dak kar mujhe mere bhoth sesavloo ka ans milgya or ek umed ke nai kiran nazr aye plz ek bar app se mere bath hojaye tho mujhe kushe hogey plz kay app mere se bath karo ge main ap se bath karna hain main ap se kase bath karo plz thora sa asth cahye mujhe umed hain ap ka reponce mere liye acah honag plz mujhe pak umed hain ke abb ka ans mujhe jald miljaye ga main i realyy like u very much ap ne go bhikiay sahe kaiy main app ke sath hon app bhoth pyare hon main ne ap ko dankne ke bath fasal kaiy hain ap ne himth kar ke jo kiy hain use bhoth se ase logo ke nai rasty nazr aye hogey i hope mere life ap se bhoth kareb kareb milty hain i rely fel ur feling

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  24. Hi Boss ( the way how I would have addressed you if we were in college :-) and will address even now NO MATTER if you are an Engineer or Film maker, boy or a GIRL)

    Today on the day of Diwali when I was getting bored, I just found a video in one of our junior's orkut profile, I just clicked on it, just to pass the time by watching it, suddenly the face in that video caught me, I know this face, I have seen this face several times, no wonder this face was on National TV, because the master of this face was always a outstanding person and I knew it will be famous one day for some reason, but I cant recognize this face clearly.

    Then I started to read the description of the video in the orkut profile, there was no name just written that this girl was in our college. Ohhhhh! this is that one of guys whom I was attracted for some reason, it was same kind of attaraction what generally people have for a person who is master of extraordinary qualities, in india generally cricketrs or actors enjoy this kind of attraction and this face was also very attractive for the same qualities which it had, a superb orator and even one of the best singer from our college. Yes! I noticed some kind of difference in his physical appearance as well as the body language, but it was quite normal since there were other boys whom I have seen with girlish look and behaviour or vice versa, but they were not gifted with the qualities what he had.

    I just know you by face, never got chance to contact you, I was not that extrovert to meet people from out of my circle, so you were just a respectful senior to me for your qualities. I should say one thing that you are as beautiful as you were earlier when I used to see you as a handsome guy, but now you are much respectable and impressive. Because you are one of those extraordinary people who can fight for their identity in a country like India which is still very orthodox after freedom of 50 years and after continuously enjoying the place of one of the fastest growing contries.

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  25. your case was much difficult and much more complicate for normal man to understand, in India we still dont allow our children to choose their career, to choose their partner, sometimes the religion, the place to live (Mumbai incident) or to celebrate simple occassion like valentines day. But you have chosen something which you felt the best for you. Sometimes in your blog you said since you were lucky to get very supportive environment everytime, but it was not just the luck, it was your determinations, courage, optimism and the intelligency as well, you were an intelligent person from the beginning and so you found the ways to succeed.

    I was a bit sad today morning since I was not in India, and enjoying Diwali with family and friends, but after seeing this story of yours I am more content that how you have spent so many Diwalis without enjoying since you were not with yourself. I would not write so much, since you started this blog for another reason, I would just say that for me you were perfect before transition and sometime I even felt envy for the voice and other qualities you have and you are still perfect, the difference is only that earlier you were not the same as you wanted YOU to be. earlier you had respect for the god gifted qualities and now you have respect for the decisions you have taken. Now you are a role model for the people who wants to be something else (socialy, professionaly or sexualy) but in the pressure and expectations of family, friends and society they spent their life in a mental prison. So may be it is a happy ending of your fight which was against yourself as well as the society but so many people are fighting for their identiy as well as their choices they want to make or they made. Now we need to make ourselves and our society to be more more moderate and adaptable to these things to fight with these common as well as uncommon social violence.

    Anil Arora
    Mechanical Engg (2004 passed out)

    P.S. I hope I didnt make any mistake to write these things here since this blog is made for the people who needs your advise, but I just wrote the feelings I got after seeing your blog and the videos and now watching the movie To Be......Me. And will share your story with all of my known people here.

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  26. hi gazal kiya haal hain life kase jarhe hai i realy love u so much app ke bhoth achy insan ho app ne bhoth se hum jse logo ko glath rsaty se jaey sur sahe rsaty ko dekya hain app ne jo himath ke sub ke sam ne kar ye bath sabith ke app galth nahe hon app hasek app ke sth ho app ke liye duw ban kar frim ur friend babal plz respone me soon my id is blueeues_bb2003

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  27. HI SORRY IT blueeyes_bb2003@yahoo.com plz respone me sonn i am a tranperson and soon i want to be a complete women like u inshalllha i need the personal information from u before this process plz contact me sonn as possiable there is a question which are personal but i want to ask u but not this place i want to share some thing with u may be urans makee right path and make me relax and happy i hope u undersatad and plz ans me i am waiting of ur reply take care gazal and keep smiling u can caall babal

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  28. u r very beautiful, dat was my frst reactn wen i met u, but aftr u knew bout u , u somehow looked flawless...

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  29. Anonymous4 – I’m sorry par main aap se personally baat nahin kar paaoongi. Aapka job hi question hai, aap mujhe iss blog par poochh sakte hain. All the best! Take care.


    Anonymous5 – Aapke compliments ke liye thank you. I’m sure aap bhi bohot courageous aur achhe insaan hain. Aap ke jo bhi questions ho, aap ek baar mera poora blog achhi tarha padh lijiye, saare comments bhi padh lijiye, agar phir bhi answer nahin miley, toh mujhse poochh lijiye. Take care. All the best!


    Anil – I’m extremely touched by what you have shared. Everything that you have expressed just goes on to show how mature and sensitive you are, as a human being. Thank you so very much for being so giving in your compliments and also, my deepest regards to you for being able to feel for another person. That that person is me is just incidental. Congratulations on being who you are! :) Take care. All the best!


    Babal – I have responded to you above already. Take care.


    Anonymous6 – Thanks! That’s a beautiful thing to say :)

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  30. He gazal i saw ur episode on IBN n i was astonished by ur luk by the way u were caring urslf u were so confident felt like u r dream a each boy should hav.
    gazal personally i wud like to tell som personal things and want some of ur suggestions so plz can u giv me ur email id?only if ur heart permitts!!!

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  31. ohh sory here is my email id adikam_85@rediffmail.com
    u can snt it urs on this
    tc n be as u r

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  32. Adi - Thanks a lot for your compliments. I'm sorry but I won't be able to give you my email id. If you have any questions but wouldn't like to be identified, you can ask those here, anonymously. Take care. All the best!

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  33. Sad story, but happy ending. Gazal, you may have lived through hell for 25 years, but today your loss has been paid off. You are transformered into such a stunning-looking woman. I will tell you that you look more beautiful than many bollywood actresses. Since you're already into the bollywood, I will suggest that you become an actress too. Enjoy your new identity.

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  34. Dalbag - Thanks a lot! I'm enjoying myself, and I will continue to live it up! :) Wish you a very Happy New Year!


    Ratheesh - Thanks, you too! :)

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  37. Ratheesh - I had spoken to her a couple of times during my pre-transition days.

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  41. Hello Gazal,she is on Facebook.

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  44. Ratheesh - I don't understand. What do you want me to say?

    If I ever need to or feel like talking to Tista, I'll do it myself. You don't have to worry yourself like this.

    Take care. All the best!


    Dalbag - Why is everyone deleting their comments from this post?

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  46. Well, I commented on one of Ratheesh's emotional post toward you:) and later on I felt bad, so deleted it. I don't know about others.

    However, I do have some questions for you. On your blog, after your surgery, you call yourself Transaxual. This makes me wonder, because when I see on the net, the Transaxual have the same "private organ" as man. they may look like woman when some body see their boobs, but down there between their legs, they for sure have the same "private" like a man. so what is this surgery for? I have the impression that after the surgery, you are a complete 100% woman. I hope that is the case with you. And how about the sexual arousal. I mean after the surgery, can a man-turned-woman have complete saxual relationship with a man. i hope I didn't get too private with you, Gazal. I am not taking any advantage here.

    Now about your profession of film-scripting. How can someone write a film-script? To be honest with you, I am trying for last many years to write something. All I can do is pick up a copy and a pencil and stare on it. Can't find any word to write :). I created a blog with the hope that i will write something and all I wrote over there is "woh din", the title of my future "Rachna" :). My wonderful ideas just stay in my head. Educate me if you can.

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  47. Dalbag, there are several transpeople who choose to not undergo what is known as the bottom surgery (changing the genitals). It is a matter of personal choice and as long as they’re comfortable with it, it ought to be respected. However, if you read my entire blog, you would know that I have been through SRS which means that my genitals have been surgically altered through a surgery known as the Vaginoplasty.

    But that said, I must encourage you to not look at somebody as a 100% woman or less than 100% woman simply on the basis of what they have between their thighs. That’s a secondary matter. What is primary is – what is the gender identity they themselves identify with and would like to be known with.

    About sexual arousal and orgasm, one can certainly experience all that depending upon how good one’s surgeon is. A skilled surgeon is able to give one genitals which are sensitive to touch and can lend complete sexual satisfaction.

    Regarding your question about writing, well, honestly, whether or not you’re a writer will have to be answered by you and you alone. I will only say that if for years, you have only sat and stared at the pencil, then it is not a good sign for sure. But if you still do hear an inner voice which tells you that you’re a writer, then push yourself to pen down your thoughts every now and then, and soon, you will know.

    All the best! :)

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  48. thing is that you are still having reservation in your mind that you are transgeneder or transsexual as others who go for SRS bt still confused about their sexuality and feel like being EUNUCH and join their community (see kalki of sahodari foundation).
    it is really good to see if you really recognise yourself and are happy with what you are from your birth and take pride being a woman.

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  49. Loved all the quotes ! Esp. the first one..so sweet

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  50. M a 18 yrs old transgender n i wnt to becum lyk u...but m unable to convince my parents...they think that i live in fantacy world..n m mad...but u knw how difficult is to face this world...i wnt to b myself plz help me plz...send me ur contact details plz...

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Civility check done? :-)