Thus Began my Flight!

It seems like yesterday. Really. I can clearly see a very different ME sitting in a bus to Delhi before dawn, heading towards pain and relief at the same time. But today, when I sit to think and remember how much has happened since then, it seems almost unbelievable. I’ve changed in so many ways. I’m pretty sure that no other year in my life would ever bring about this amount of change in me. It’s almost like my life began on Oct 13 last year…

I had left for Delhi alone, on the 13th. Mamma and Bua were going to join me later, on the 15th. Over the entire stretch of the 13th and 14th, I underwent a total of almost 17 hours of electrolysis [a process in which each hair is removed by inserting a sort of a very thin needle into the pore of the skin and passing current through it] for my facial hair. The process tests not only your ability to bear pain, but is also an ideal test of your patience. One generally needs a large number of electrolysis sessions (easily running over a couple of a hundred hours) for the hairs to be removed permanently. This was my third session.

By 14th late night, my face, though terribly swollen and deeply crimson, was free of all hairs (for at least 2 weeks now). I was staying at MJ’s place that night but before heading there, I met N at the market near Priya Cinema, and I’m really thankful to God for having made it possible for us to meet that night. Even though my face was too numb to feel any more pain, the agony of the 17 hours behind me certainly got some balm on meeting one of my bestest friends. We also clarified the little misunderstandings that had been creeping up in our friendship for some time now, and I couldn’t have been happier to rid my heart of another burden.

I spent 15th morning at the parlour, trying to get the swelling off my face with the aid of some facials and massages. If they helped at all, I couldn’t notice :-), but yes, as is the case with almost every human being belonging to the fairer sex, the facial did do that little something to push up the happiness quotient within me!

And finally, in the evening, I got myself transported to the Indira Gandhi International Airport, where Mamma and Bua, who were travelling with me, had arrived already. And so had my other bestest friend Vee, with a rose and a little pretty Ganesha effigy, which incidentally, I had gifted him a long time ago. Trust me! It’s not unexpected, if it’s Vee! But it was heartfelt and a gesture that expressed the bond we shared. I can’t remember my conversation with him now, but yes, I do remember that he made me laugh a little more than usual, that evening. He was in his best form, maybe because he was truly happy for me, or maybe because he knew I’d be nervous…

I had tried to cover my nervousness in about 3 layers of clothes. These multiple layers had a singular purpose. Since I was travelling on Gunraj’s passport, the effects of the past 9 months of estrogen on my body obviously had to be covered up; and oh yeah, I also tied my hair in a pony tail! Alas! All that did not help…

Well, if I couldn’t convince myself that I was the same person who was peeping out of my Passport, how could anyone else?

Having waved to Vee to my heart’s content, as I proceeded to the Jet Airways counter, the lady checking my Passport there had her mind’s doubts clearly written all over her face. She did give us our boarding passes (albeit a bit hesitantly), but also made sure to mention that we could be interrogated ahead.

Thereafter, every Airport official’s eyes seemed to be screening me. Whether they thought I was a potential terrorist or something else, I do not know, but yes, in those moments of my knees going weak, it did help to repeat to myself that if I HAVE to explain to these people why I look different from that picture on my Passport, I WILL! Also, Bua was a constant support system. She went on reassuring me that we would manage. She told me clearly that we would first try to convince the officials by talking to them, but if they just didn’t seem to understand, then we would thrust the doctor’s recommendation letter in their faces. Nobody could stop us then!

With our game plan clear in our minds, we reached the Emigration section, where quite obviously, the news of my arrival had arrived before me! 5-6 officers got up from their respective cells and surrounded the three of us, each scanning the Passport and my face in turn, time and again. Utter confusion. They checked Mamma’s and Bua’s Passports. All well. Then, they checked mine again, perhaps hoping for ‘all’ to have magically become well here also. To their dismay, it hadn’t…

So, they started asking me questions and details about Gunraj, which I obviously knew. That seemed to confuse some more, while it certainly relieved a few too, one of whom was the only lady officer interrogating me. She took a close look at the Passport again and then whispered (quite audibly) to the others huddled around her – “Hai toh wahi, par Gay hai!” [It IS Gunraj, only Gunraj is Gay!”]

This seemed to satisfy all the inquisitors, and they trickled back to their own seats. Before the lady finally let us go, she asked me if I write my Sex as Female. This came as a bit of a surprise because we hadn’t even mentioned a Gender change. She clarified saying that on my Thai Visa, the column for Sex said ‘F’ and that is what had led to more confusion amongst the officers.

I was smiling. I completed all the formalities and walked on. I did not say to her, “Perhaps it was a mistake”. Because it was not a mistake. The Thai Embassy knew my purpose of travelling to Bangkok and they had been sensitive enough to acknowledge my rightful identity – the identity of my soul, regardless of my body. I was smiling.

Mamma, Bua and I got into the plane, took our seats and made a call to Papa. He had not been able to get his Passport till the last day, hence he was not coming with me. But I was aware that he would be with me in thought, throughout…

... throughout, on this journey of mine – towards Hope, towards Happiness, towards Freedom, towards Life…