[This is an attempt at the translation of my original poem in Hindi - Salaam, Zindagi!]
It’s a tale from a long time ago…
A tale of a dense scary darkness,
A tale of two misty eyes,
And of two wings, cut lifeless
Whenever the two little eyes
peeped out from the curtain,
Beautiful was the world outside
but the one inside was different
Between the curtain’s folds, they saw
pretty colours splashed everywhere;
The heart made friends with colours
but the eyes had a colourless tear
Through shades and sunshines, moves on
every single person on life’s journey;
But for years, she couldn’t understand
the stillness of her own story
As she tip-toed with the heavy stillness,
it dawned on her day by day
that it was someone else’s reflection
that she saw in the mirror everyday
To live a role every single moment
even with a deep vacuum inside,
So that nobody should read her eyes;
Alas! If only somebody could read her eyes!
And slowly, with each passing day,
she went on to forget her own self;
She remembered just a scream sometimes
that reached nobody beyond herself
She was shivering in the chilling rain,
thick dark clouds choked the sky;
Then, she looked up towards the horizon
and saw a little bird… fly o fly!
She saw the bird and remembered
her own forgotten fragments,
her own couple of little wings,
forever kept at a distance
She’d imprisoned her own self
and made friends with the ropes;
She had wished… but never dared
and killed all her dreams and hopes
If she wants, those misty curtains
can be taken off her eyes,
because it’s her wish and her right
to touch the rainbows in the skies
So what if a long time has gone away?
A long time is yet to come too!
A long time of hard work,
and a long time of joys too!
After passing that long time every moment,
Staying alive, yet dying every moment,
Fearing, laughing and crying every moment,
Yet somehow, daring and trying every moment…
Here, finally, is the right path
Come, hold the hand of the heart
It is not about the long time anymore
It is not about yesterday or tomorrow
It is only about THIS moment now
It is all about EVERY moment now
It is time for brightness in every moment
For cheer and celebration in every moment
It is the moment to shake hands with your SELF
It is the moment for a new introduction to yourself
It is the moment to say… Greetings, dear Life!
This Blog is for YOU...
If you are/were Gender Dysphoric - so as to know some from me and share some with me, and reaffirm that none of us is alone... To acknowledge that we have a treasure of insurmountable Courage, Strength and Hope in us. I have a feeling that we were given slightly higher quantities of those special gifts :-) [If you have a question to ask me, you could write it as a Comment to one of the posts, and either I would reply to it as a Comment itself, or probably, respond in one of the future posts on this blog]
If you have never been Gender Dysphoric - so as to understand what it means to have a Gender Identity Disorder. Of course, it primarily depends on whether you want to or not. If you don't, please do make a quiet exit and try not to be a nuisance.
If you're confused - so as to realize that everybody goes through a stage of confusion - the period could be short, or sometimes, very long. What is important is to acknowledge that being unsure until you're sure is as normal and as alright as night before day.
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If you're a human being - so as to find out for yourself whether you want to try to make the world a better place to live in, for every fellow human being, irrespective of their health, wealth, colour, race, gender, religion and any and every other line of division you can think of.
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And finally, this blog is for ME - so as to be able to make some difference somewhere by sharing my experiences, and along the way, slowly grow out of those anxieties and insecurities that have inhabited my life for over 2 decades. It is time to escort them to the door now!
Come, Join me on this journey!
If you have never been Gender Dysphoric - so as to understand what it means to have a Gender Identity Disorder. Of course, it primarily depends on whether you want to or not. If you don't, please do make a quiet exit and try not to be a nuisance.
If you're confused - so as to realize that everybody goes through a stage of confusion - the period could be short, or sometimes, very long. What is important is to acknowledge that being unsure until you're sure is as normal and as alright as night before day.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If you're a human being - so as to find out for yourself whether you want to try to make the world a better place to live in, for every fellow human being, irrespective of their health, wealth, colour, race, gender, religion and any and every other line of division you can think of.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
And finally, this blog is for ME - so as to be able to make some difference somewhere by sharing my experiences, and along the way, slowly grow out of those anxieties and insecurities that have inhabited my life for over 2 decades. It is time to escort them to the door now!
Come, Join me on this journey!
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Loved the poem!:)
ReplyDeletehiiiiiiii gazal i need to ask do u knw some gud psychiatrist n clinical psychologist in delhi.. i want to knw how u spnd 9 months of ur hormonal therapy.. were u workin tht time too.
ReplyDeleteAnonymous - Thanks! :-)
ReplyDeleteHarsh - I do not know any psychologist in Delhi personally. However I have heard a lot of good things about Dr. Kavita from Sitaram Bhartia Hospital. I met her once during the shoot of Salaam Zindagi on NDTV and I was very impressed with her sensitivity and understanding of trans-life issues. Try her out!
Well, I was working during my Hormone Therapy, yes. I was lucky to be employed in a small private office in Bombay and I was really lucky to have the colleagues and the boss that I did. I had informed them about my decision and had made them aware about the entire procedure. There were moments of unease and discomfort from time to time, of course, but mostly, my office was a safe haven for me and I felt very protected and cared for, there.
I know what you're thinking - Yes, I've been incredibly lucky! And I am grateful to God for that! Besides that, I also believe one's attitude towards one's own self determines others' attitude to a large extent too. If you're certain about your decision and have taken it with a mature wise mind, if you come across as somebody who KNOWS what they're getting into, really, it should be none of anybody's business as long as you're doing your work efficiently.
All the Best!
Dear Gazal,congratulations 4 ur courageous step taken by u and moral support got from ur family,I have read in 1 of ur BLOG that u were offered by a nice lady to accept u as her BAHU[daughter in law]after knowing ur past, I think that was GOD given opportunity that u have missed,U should have accepted that offer, so u could have lived as a complete woman,u could have become some1s wife,bahu,bhabhi,chachi,mami,masi etc.There r many woman born as woman and not in postion to become prgnant n give birth to a child,u could have adopted a child or 2,after few years,1BOY and a GIRL,after 20-25 years,u could have been a Sans,DADI and NANI,I will feel happy if that offer is still open n u accept it,That will set a good example 4 the PEOPLE like us to think of our future in POSITIVE way,Hope u understand this and do the needfull,If u accept that offer than u can ENJOY all festivals ,specially 4 MARRIED woman and a complete WOMAN,Hope u understand that we need u as our TREND setter 4 us. BEST OF LUCK 4 ur future life,Hope u reply my COMMENTS,on My email ID prajaktaprajakkta@yahoo.co.in
ReplyDeleteAnonymous2 - Thanks for the congratulations, but why do you think that a woman is complete only when she is married? These are archaic beliefs that we must do away with. A woman is complete in herself and can celebrate every relationship and festival she likes and wants to. If she meets someone she loves and feels like spending her entire life with, then she might choose to marry, but that is not to complete herself, but as a step towards another of life's joys! Take care...
ReplyDeleteGazal You are really brave....are there good electrolysis centre in mumbai or delhi...please guide me if you know few names.You are really great..........
ReplyDelete