This Blog is for YOU...

If you are/were Gender Dysphoric - so as to know some from me and share some with me, and reaffirm that none of us is alone... To acknowledge that we have a treasure of insurmountable Courage, Strength and Hope in us. I have a feeling that we were given slightly higher quantities of those special gifts :-) [If you have a question to ask me, you could write it as a Comment to one of the posts, and either I would reply to it as a Comment itself, or probably, respond in one of the future posts on this blog]

If you have never been Gender Dysphoric - so as to understand what it means to have a Gender Identity Disorder. Of course, it primarily depends on whether you want to or not. If you don't, please do make a quiet exit and try not to be a nuisance.

If you're confused - so as to realize that everybody goes through a stage of confusion - the period could be short, or sometimes, very long. What is important is to acknowledge that being unsure until you're sure is as normal and as alright as night before day.

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If you're a human being - so as to find out for yourself whether you want to try to make the world a better place to live in, for every fellow human being, irrespective of their health, wealth, colour, race, gender, religion and any and every other line of division you can think of.

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And finally, this blog is for ME - so as to be able to make some difference somewhere by sharing my experiences, and along the way, slowly grow out of those anxieties and insecurities that have inhabited my life for over 2 decades. It is time to escort them to the door now!

Come, Join me on this journey!

Monday, December 7, 2009

To be... ME

If you have read about me, you would know that the turning point in my life came when I made a documentary on transsexuality, along with my friends. It is a 20-min documentary titled 'To be... ME' that we made in 2006. 'To be... ME' gave me the courage to go ahead with transition.

This film has been available for download on the left hand side links of this blog, right from the beginning. But now, thanks to a friend, it is also available on youtube. Here are the 3 links:

Part 1:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UX7LPP0_U9g

Part 2:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_eqOdgF-BwE

Part 3:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gihsnbxWw7o

Hopefully, the film will continue to make a difference...

35 comments:

  1. salaam hye gazal how are u hope fine i am fine to sach main main app ke film jo ap nay apni freind ke stah baney hain mian dakna cahtythay aur app ne ko kahna cahty ke kah se main hasil kar sakty hon thank u very muc realyy main samjh nahe arhe thai ke kha se hasil karo main net ke help le par nahe doon paye tho main app se poch na cahthy thi take care it me babal bye

    ReplyDelete
  2. :-)
    A few questions:-
    1.How old is Gauri now?
    2.Did she transition in college?If yes, how did she manage it?
    3.Are you still in touch with her?
    4.Is she passable?

    ReplyDelete
  3. A few more questions.:-)
    5.You might have met many Indian transsexual women during your research.How many of them 'passed completely'?(I know this question is a little annoying.Sorry:-))
    6.Did you ever get clocked post-transition?If yes, how did you deal with it?
    7.How much does a single session of laser cost?
    8.How often did you need laser sessions when you just started with it?I guess I'm going to need them a little more frequently since I'll be starting directly with laser.
    9.Whom did Anahata see for SRS?I just know that she got it done in Jaslok Hospital!I tried to contact Anahata but she is difficult to find. Is she happy with her surgery?
    10.What do you think, is there any good doctor in India for SRS?Or is Bangkok the best bid?You might have enquired about the doctors here too, right?Are Kalki, Tista and Mahua happy with their SRS?Well, the thing is Dr. Chettawut's fee has gone from US$7000 to US$10,100!
    11.Can you please give us the break-up of the total money you have spent on transition- On Doctors, On reports,on HRT, On Hair Removal, On the final surgery(+travelling, On Grooming.
    12.How much weight did you put on after starting HRT?I've read that some transwomen put on as much as 25kgs(!)and 5-6 kgs is something really common.Is it a good idea to lose weight and have a thin frame pre-HRT?I've also read about transwomen intentionally putting on weight while on HRT 'to get the curves'(Sounds ridiculous, I know!Sorry again :-)).But, does it work?
    13.What are you doing about your body hair?Laser, wax or epilation?I've heard that epilation is extremely painful for beginners!
    14.How much time does it take to get our name and sex legally changed?I mean, how long is the legal process?
    14.Do we need to have some kind of affidivate before starting HRT or before going for SRS?
    15.Well, this is going to sound a little immature. But anyway, here I go! I feel highly hostile towards people(no, not towards my family!:-)). Don't ask me why. There's so much stigma attached to our condition. You see and hear it, everyday!Like every other comedy show on television has a random (often vulgar) joke on someone who is gender queer!Be it MTV or a hindi news channel.There's a new movie(Eg. APKGK)and again, there's a joke on someone who is transgender.Also, the fact that I'm many a times,stared and jeered at, pricks me!Then, there's always the pain of a lost childhood.There's a constant feeling of aggression towards those who have not been 'so nice' to me in the past, who have hurled all kind of names at me. It bothers me. Does it bother you too? Didn't it bother you before?How do/did you deal with it?
    16.How long do mood swings on HRT last(on an average)?

    ReplyDelete
  4. sum1 was gonna reply within a week!:-(

    ReplyDelete
  5. Babal – Mujhe khushi hai ki ab aap meri film araam se dekh sakti hain. Kaisi lagi, bataana. Take care.

    Troubled Soul – My answers:

    1. How old is Gauri now?

    Not sure about her age really. This was shot 4 years ago, so you can probably guess.

    2. Did she transition in college? If yes, how did she manage it?

    No, she was not in college when she transitioned.

    3. Are you still in touch with her?

    Kind of. I recently met her at a conference.

    4. Is she passable?

    She is a woman – Completely. And beautifully. :)

    5. You might have met many Indian transsexual women during your research. How many of them 'passed completely'? (I know this question is a little annoying. Sorry :-))

    From among the ones I have met – most of them passed completely. And this is not an exaggeration. Certainly, 90% of them were absolutely passable.

    6. Did you ever get clocked post-transition? If yes, how did you deal with it?

    No, never. Touchwood. I’ve been extremely blessed with the kind of people I’ve met in my life.

    7. How much does a single session of laser cost?

    One laser sitting of Facial Hair Removal could cost anywhere between Rs. 3000 to 6000.

    8. How often did you need laser sessions when you just started with it? I guess I'm going to need them a little more frequently since I'll be starting directly with laser.

    I needed them once a month. You will need them once a month too. That’s the norm and generally, the most effective frequency.

    9. Whom did Anahata see for SRS? I just know that she got it done in Jaslok Hospital! I tried to contact Anahata but she is difficult to find. Is she happy with her surgery?

    I’m sorry but I am in no position to discuss someone else’s private affairs. Kindly refrain from asking too.

    ReplyDelete
  6. 10. What do you think, is there any good doctor in India for SRS? Or is Bangkok the best bid? You might have enquired about the doctors here too, right? Are Kalki, Tista and Mahua happy with their SRS? Well, the thing is Dr. Chettawut's fee has gone from US$7000 to US$10,100!

    Honestly, I never did much research about the doctors here. I happened to meet two girls, back-to-back, who had been to Dr. Chettawut and were both extremely satisfied, and that’s where I made up my mind too. So, I’m probably not the right person to answer this. All I can tell you is that I’m more than satisfied with the surgery I had in Bangkok. Again, please do not ask questions about other people. [Dr. Chettawut’s cost is certainly and sadly a steep rise!]

    11. Can you please give us the break-up of the total money you have spent on transition- On Doctors, On reports, on HRT, On Hair Removal, On the final surgery (+ travelling, On Grooming)?

    On psychiatric evaluation (including doctor’s fee) – approx. Rs. 15000 (which is very high actually)
    On Hormonal Tests/Reports etc – approx Rs. 10,000
    On different doctors – approx. Rs. 15-20,000
    On Facial Hair Removal – approx. Rs. 1 lakh
    On Travel to Bangkok (including stay) – approx. Rs. 1 lakh
    On Surgery – approx. Rs. 4 lakhs
    On Hormones – approx Rs. 1,000 – Rs. 1,500 per month
    Grooming cost can vary hugely from person to person. Besides, I’m not able to put a figure to it. Sorry.

    12. How much weight did you put on after starting HRT? I've read that some transwomen put on as much as 25kgs (!) and 5-6 kgs is something really common. Is it a good idea to lose weight and have a thin frame pre-HRT? I've also read about transwomen intentionally putting on weight while on HRT 'to get the curves' (Sounds ridiculous, I know! Sorry again :-)). But, does it work?

    I have heard all that too, but I never felt that HRT had anything to do with my weight. I have gained approx 4-5 kilos, but that is only because of my own eating habits and inactivity. Whenever I start regular exercise, I’m easily able to lose the excess weight. And post-surgery women putting on weight to get curves is normal, and apparently, it does help too. Gaining weight – not to the point of obesity, of course, but to a pleasantly plump degree.

    13. What are you doing about your body hair? Laser, wax or epilation? I've heard that epilation is extremely painful for beginners!

    I epilate. Yes, it was quite painful in the beginning, so I tried to do as much waxing as possibly initially. But then, slowly, over a few months, one gets used to the epilation. Like in everything in life, the first few steps are the toughest. :)

    14. How much time does it take to get our name and sex legally changed? I mean, how long is the legal process?

    Not very. You need to give notifications in newspapers about your name change (and sex change, if so be it), make Affidavits and get them stamped (by Magistrate or Notary, please check the ‘Name change’ rules in Passport. Apply the same to ‘Sex change’ affidavit as well), and along with the Doctor’s sex change certificate, apply at various institutions. Once you have even one ID proof ready, your sex is legally changed. It would take anywhere between 2-4 months in my experience.

    ReplyDelete
  7. 15. Do we need to have some kind of affidavit before starting HRT or before going for SRS?

    No.

    16. Well, this is going to sound a little immature. But anyway, here I go! I feel highly hostile towards people (no, not towards my family! :-)). Don't ask me why. There's so much stigma attached to our condition. You see and hear it, everyday! Like every other comedy show on television has a random (often vulgar) joke on someone who is gender queer! Be it MTV or a hindi news channel. There's a new movie (Eg. APKGK) and again, there's a joke on someone who is transgender. Also, the fact that I'm many a times, stared and jeered at, pricks me! Then, there's always the pain of a lost childhood. There's a constant feeling of aggression towards those who have not been 'so nice' to me in the past, who have hurled all kind of names at me. It bothers me. Does it bother you too? Didn't it bother you before? How do/did you deal with it?

    I understand what you mean there. I also understand that it can be very frustrating to listen to those jokes, to have people talk about you all the time or make fun of you. Does it bother me? Well, no. DID it bother me? Oh yes. It certainly did. That’s the whole pressure we deal with, right? Seeming ‘normal’ to people, so that we don’t get laughed at. But somewhere along the way, I realized that – one, I’m not being true to myself by playing puppet to the world’s skewed ideas of ‘normality’; two, I cannot change the whole world’s view of me, I can only change my view of me and my view of the world. Hence, it is a conscious logic-based decision that if people crack a joke or try to get a laugh at my expense, well, I will let them take nothing out of me, and they CAN’T, as long as I don’t let them. So, if I choose to be ‘Troubled Soul’, ‘I’ have made that choice. I have let them affect me and make me troubled soul. On the other hand, I could choose to ignore their behaviours and reaffirm to myself each day that I ought to be proud of who I am and what I have done for my happiness, and bring joy to my life. Happiness is, really, a choice – you could see a really poor man at the traffic signal who is happy, you could also see a man in the Mercedes on the same signal who is frowning. Happiness is not about who we are and where we are in life right now. Happiness is about counting our blessings wherever we are today and choosing to make the most out of each day.

    16. How long do mood swings on HRT last (on an average)?

    I can’t say. I don’t even remember them much now. But a vague idea, 1-3 days, perhaps.


    Nirav - :) :)


    Anonymous – My sincerest apologies! Loads of things have been keeping me terribly busy, but that is no excuse, I know. I’m sorry. Are you ‘Troubled Soul’? If yes, then, I hope the answers above will redeem me. :) Take care.

    ReplyDelete
  8. hey thanks for your information.take care

    ReplyDelete
  9. Yes,I'm Troubled Soul. No,wait! I 'was' Troubled Soul!:-)I'll stick to Rebecca now. ;-)
    It is difficult for me to express how much your blog has helped me. Anyway,if it makes a difference, thanks.Thanks a lot! May God bless you with truckloads of happiness!:-)

    ReplyDelete
  10. Anonymous2 - You're welcome! Take care. :)

    Rebecca - That's a beautiful and impressive name! Do stick to it (as against 'Troubled Soul')! :)

    It's a feeling of great joy for me when I know that this blog could be of help to someone, so it makes a big difference dear. Thanks for sharing it! All the best, and take care. :)

    ReplyDelete
  11. hye dear gazal the video was very nice u film work a lot to be me kiya ap ko lagath hain ke mujhe ab apni friend se is bare main share karna cahi agar han to kise female friend se ya male friend se aur kase kistarh se apne kha ke madical angle seamjhoo can i tell me some thing about taht plz mujhe zada information nahe hain aur app ne kha ke awaaz ke liye rooz 2 ya 4 hour yani kis tarh se bathy karoo akely ? aur main jana cahty thi kub tak hormonce tablet lane party hain aur kaiya operation ke bat bhi kub tak ya sari zaindaze daviya cahlti rathy hain main jis country main ho mujhe nahe lagath hain ke in ke pas is bat ka koi concept ya doctor hain par mujhe ye jan tah ke kiay main jis country main us country se easily bankock ja sajate aur kase wapes ana vagera ase kafi malomath hain jo mujhe cahi aur sex nam badalvane ke liye kaiy possport ka kaiy process keu ke mer pas port yahe bana hai pakstan main nahe babal

    ReplyDelete
  12. Babal – Sabse pehli baat. Aapke in sabhi sawaalon ke jawaab maine iss blog mein pehle kayi baar diye hain. Aap dheere dheere karke ye poora blog padhiye, aur saath mein sabhi comments bhi padhiye. Aapke bohot se sawaalon ke jawaab aapko mil jaayenge.

    Aapko apne friend se share karna chahiye ya nahin, iska faisla toh sirf aap hi kar sakti hain Babal. Kyunki main na aapke friends ko jaanti hoon aur na hi aapki friendship ke baare mein.

    Aapke medical process waale question ka answer maine ‘Happy New Year’ post ke comments mein diya hai.

    Baaki aapke sabhi questions ka answer hai – aur dheere dheere sab ho jaata hai, par mere hisaab se aapka sabse pehla aur main problem hai ki aap kisi aur country mein jaane ki koshish karein – padhne ke liye ya kaam karne ke liye. Aisi country jahaan par aapko doctors bhi milein aur information bhi.

    Take care Babal… Tension mat lijiye. Ye lamba process hai, aur step-by-step hi chalna padega, lekin ek-ek kadam badhaate rahenge toh ek din safar poora ho hi jaayega. All the best!

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  13. hi gazal have u watch story of sex change solder story if nt plz must watch it on you tube gazal kaya app ko relgion ko laker koi prpbelm hue jase kah jata hain apni body ko kahse bitarah ka change karna na gunah paap hota hain kiaya app kiaya kahtey hon is pay ? yani jase ke loog kahtiye he upar wale ke dee ve chizoo s kuch ha hona ase both se saval mjhe tang karty hain aur main in ke lie tayr rana cahti hon ke main sahe se ans de sako main apny app ko galat nahe bian kara cahti kiaya god escept me if i cange my self becz of my happyness plz ans me takecare kuch samjh aye hon toh maf karan ur sweet frnd sister

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  14. Thanks Gazal.... and whoever posted the docu on youtube.... I have had great trouble downloading it from the earlier site ... For a debut I must say it is very well made and for gals like me.... it is very informative too.... thanks ... and also thanks for answering most of Rebecca aka Troubled souls... Many of them were questions I myself would have liked to ask except a few which were a bit too personal for my liking ... but you in your usual suave way handled it very well...

    And I also saw you dragged into a unwarranted controversy on a certain other blog .... well it was funny to say the least ...and to add a new word to my lexicon 'transuporia' as men, most caught up in their macho pretensions... would be carried by a gal like me or you and end up dresses and yes the bangles ... the ultimate affront to a mans manliness... :)-
    Asha Kiran 0-96636 05906

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  15. @ Asha Kiran!
    LMAO!=))

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  16. Asha Kiran! ROFOOLMAO MAN :P

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  17. what is different between gunraj and gazal ? gazal u dont think that if u live life in gunraj u can live bereter life u can get married have childern ? why u change of ur self?

    ReplyDelete
  18. Babal – No, I haven’t watched that film. I’ll try and watch it. Thanks for the recommendation! :)

    Babal, jahaan tak God aur religion ka sawaal hai, thankfully, main aur meri family bohot zyaada religious nahin hain. Hum maante hain ki agar insaan achhe kaam karta hai aur kisi ka bura nahin karta, usi mein hi sachcha religion hai. Lekin shayad Islam mein aisa kehte hain na ki agar aap religious nahin ho, toh aapko Hell mein jaana padta hai, hai na? Main in sab baaton ko bilkul nahin maanti. In fact, pichhle kuchh maheeno se main dheere dheere naastik soch ki taraf badh rahi hoon.

    Babal, aap agar ek achhe insaan ho, bhale kaam karte ho, kisi ka bura nahin chahte, na sochte, toh kyun aap chinta karte ho? Aapko haq hai khush rehne ka, aur ye haq koi religion chheenna chaahe, toh wo religion galat hai!


    Asha Kiran – Yes, that friend of mine was a great help! I’ll convey your thanks to him. :)

    That blog and the controversy were quite stupid actually. It’s hilarious when people who have absolutely no clue about Gender Dysphoria go on writing baseless pointless remarks of their own about it. Anyway, such people and ideas are best not spoken about, lest it should give them encouragement.


    Anonymous3 & Anonymous4 – Please share the joke?


    Anonymous5 – Gunraj was male. Gazal is female. That’s one difference. But the biggest difference is – Gunraj was an unhappy person. Gazal is a happy person.

    Getting married and having children are not my parameters of happiness. My parameter of happiness is ME being happy with who I am.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Hi gazal from childhood i have attraction toward female stuff. Muje bhi ladkiyo ki tarah kano me jumke, mathe pe bindiya hatho me kangan pero me payal pahan ne ka ji karta he. I wish to have long hair like them when i am alone at home. I wear saree and use all the female stuff. I cant control my self to wear saree, and makeup when i am alone at home.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Hi gazal. im anita Gazal ab main jab ye likh rahi hu maine bra mere kapdo k andar pahni hui hai agli comment bhi meri hi hai. Me khudko pata nahi female kapde pahan ne se rok nahi pati hu. Muje ladkiyo ki kuch adayen bahot pasand hai jaise wo apne chehre se balo ki lato ko hatakar bar bar ear ke pich rakhna. Apni sari ka pallu bar bar apne shoulder par rakhna. Apna duppatta barbar adjust karte rahna aisi sab girlish adaye muje bahut pasand hai. You are very cute. Tumhari tarah muje bi skirt bahut pasand hai.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Hi gazal im anita Gazal ab me jab ye likh rahi hu maine bra mere kapdo k andar pahni hui hai agli comment bhi meri hi hai. Me khudko pata nahi female kapde pahan ne se rok nahi pati hu. Muje ladkiyo ki kuch adayen bahot pasand hai jaise wo apne chehre se balo ki lato ko hatakar bar bar ear ke pich rakhna. Apni sari ka pallu bar bar apne shoulder par rakhna. Apna duppatta barbar adjust karte rahna aisi sab girlish adaye muje bahut pasand hai. You are very cute. Tumhari tarah muje bi skirt bahut pasand hai.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Anita – I hope aap ko mera blog padh ke achha lagta hoga. I wish you all the best! Take care.

    ReplyDelete
  23. hope one day there is big screen film on this subject in film industry . The people can realiaze and undersatnd this kind of people and problem of there life . before and after of sex change / gazal app keu nahe lekhti ek drama story and give to ndtv imagine aur us par app kudh aur app ke khani umeedkarti app ko mere rai achi lagi hogaye keu aj ke waqt pay ase bhoth se subject pay khani bani jati hain lakin zad tar hasi ya mazak nain not in serious way of drama story .kay kahye logg samjty hain ke ase loog aur logoo ko galat rast dekha rahe hain isliye tv aur media se acha koi zariyea nahe ye batane ka ke jis pay guzarti wohi janta hain ur babal

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  24. GAZAL G main bhi manti hoon ke insan ke achay buray kam ke bat he us ka har bat ka fesla hota hain k wo kasa hain chaye zindagi main ya moth ke bat ke zindagi main ke us ko heaven milti hain ya hell . i belive in god and faith that ke app ko mujhe aur hum sub ko is duniya ko hai koi bananayywala i belive that god is one and in my religion ke wohe hume zindazi dayta hain aur wohe marta hain hume ek din aur us ne kise waja se ye duniya banye aur ek din khatam kardy ga the last day of the world.babal

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  25. gazal mai ap se pochna chathi hon ke why god make u like this way .why select u ?loog socthy hain aur khaty hain ke koi kasa ase hosakta hain god keu kise ko asa banai ga agar us ko larki bana kar bachtha hain toh woh galat kase hosakta hain ke isliye ise main kuch rahna chye this is the only wrong thinking jo god ko naraz karti hain aur us ke khalaf jata hain ye ke main kush nahe hon main larka nahi larki hon that my friend thinking i am not try to hearting u if so i am sooo soory mina cahti hon app mujhe juwab dayee.tc ok bye

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  26. Babal - Agar aap God mein vishwaas rakhte ho, toh ye bhi maano ki shayad God chaahta hai ki aap iss dard se guzro aur ek bohot achhe insaan bano, jo duniya ko raasta dikhaaye. Aag pe tap kar hi toh sona nikharta hai na. Aur waise bhi, duniya mein bohot se log handicapped paida hote hain. Wo bhi toh God hi banaate hain na?

    Waise, main God mein vishwaas nahin rakhti. Mujhe lagta hai ye jo bhi ho raha hai, wo bas nature ki ek variation hai, aur kuchh nahin. Take care Babal.

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  27. gazalji hiiiiiiiiiii form. ganeha2949@yahoo.com

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  28. Very nice video Gazal. Thans for sharing this.

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  29. hie gazal di. this is a cute brother of yours named rishi. i am aged 16 living in m.p i am a male and i am very much cute and very very much gorgeus like you. and i believed that god gives us extra ordinary talent in us because i am a fab professional singer and dancer plus practising for modelling. i strongly feel that i am a gender dysophrobic. and i am deciding for SRS, i told my sister about all this she's supporting me. plus i got plus points that i am extreamly beautiful like you, and especially my figure is so much girly that even straight guys do also get attracted to me. my every feature is very sharp especially my eyes and my lips. i am very fair in colour so now i have decided to achieve what i want. but all credit goes to you because your life gave me a hope and a 'JAZBA' and i now i am so strong from inside just because of you. thanks a lotsssss.. :)
    i sended you a friend request in fb named rishabh kapoor please add me :).you are so respectfull to me from my benieth heart.

    HOPEFULLY
    PLEASE REPLY :) TAKE CARE AND MAY GOD GIVES YOU EVERYTHING YOU WANT IN YOUR LIFE. :)

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  30. HI GAZAL...I HAD READ YOUR LIFE STORY IN WEEK MAGAZINE...ITS REALLY STORY OF COURAGE AND CONFIDENCE ,WHICH YOU HAVE AND SHOWN TO WORLD AND YOUR SELF...I AM WRITTING FOR YOUR PROFESSION...I AM BUSINESSMEN FROM MUMBAI I HAVE A HOBBY TO WRITE A STORY /SCRIPT FOR FILM...I HAVE STORY IN MY MIND VERY CLEAR...BUT HOW TO WRITE A FULL SCRIPT FOR THE SAME..CAN YOU HELP ME OUT IN THE SAME...ITS A EXCITING ASSESINATION STORY..IF YOU WILL HELP ME OUT IT IS GREAT HELP TO ME...WE CAN TOGETHER ALSO CAN DEVLOP THE SAME.

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  31. Hi gazal how r u?
    This issue on transexuality is still difficult to deal. I knw a girl who is my good friend. As a friend lately after her breakup she shared somethin to me for it was difficult for me to handle....she had bcome some1 v different that what i used to alwaz c her. She was v disturbed, she cried a lot...she was in v much pain. I dint knw what to do as she was not tellin me anthin...i just knew that she had breakup. Somehow after repeated askin...she finally broke down...sayin that she is a trangender...n never felt like a girl inspite havin born female...she says she has a soul of a boy...n she broke up wd a gilfriend n not boyfriend. For a moment i dint know what to say to her. She is v bright but she alwaz told me that she cannot focus on her work..she feels v disturbed....mannier times the pain is so much that she felt like endin her life...she felt that her body is her prision n she dint knw how to tell this to her parents. Since then i was readin lot on this matter..if there is a way for her to b happy...n i happen to suggest her srs...she was v happie that day....as if..some heavy stress is gone...since than..somehow she got better wd her studies n relatinships wd people arround her...actually i had given her two options....told her either go srs or b quiet abt it n practice who u r secretly...get married n still have girfriend. However she chose first one....i told her u may remain alone...u may not get children....she said...she wouls love to have her own child...however she cannot cheat some1 else...she said..she wants to b true to herself...by marryin she has no right to keep in dark the other person who has equal right to b happy like her. She would face..whatever comes in her destiny...but she ll come forward....n declare infront of whole wolrd who she is...she ll b honest to herself first..i told her what if nobody accepts u..n u remain alone..itold her to go abroad as i was worried that our society may not accept her...she said she wont go anywhr...she ll stay here n disclose herself in this society...no matter she may remain alone...she said today she is wd people arround her but she is still not happy as she is hidin her true self from them...but aftr decision she sees her herself happy even without people bcz she has nothin to hide....she lives to people to decide...whthr to love her or not...she says i want to change i want to b who i m...even tommorrow i dont get my lifepartner its ok...i want to b still a boy ..becoz that is who i m ...may b god has made me this way for a reason.....after listenin to her i feel that...truth can come in any form...we just have to b ready to understand it...n thats what m doin...we r togethr waitin for that day...she is focusin well than before...lookin for good job...want to gain that financial independece....n also researchin all options for her...till than i guess its only hope....that one things ll b fine.
    Daniel

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Civility check done? :-)